A.E. Waite and Manly P. Hall.....now I am one of the full fledged weirdos.



     Over the last few years the lust I had for martial arts waned, I would pop in and out of a class, lost a lot of time and money. I had this nagging feeling I needed to find certain keys to unlock something of the art I had pith instruction in. When someone does something well it is hard to grasp how they do it well, it takes a certain personality to see the moment when what needs to be said is...,"I know this looks different than what you're learning at the moment and what you'll do when you master the fundamentals will be your own work, just trust that this will pay off." or something, the student looks behind them during the slog to find the instructor's hand on their shoulder already telling them to relax, or keep your back straight.....

     Often I think now, I have been a real dick. Recently, I thought about this Aeon, this time when men would rise to a point that our mutual annihilation, the capacity to create 'the false sun' as said in the series 'Carnivale'....great series....we would need the women to be thoroughly corrupted again, the cycle continues and Eden must be left behind. Manly P. Hall maps out in this series how the astronomical observations of ancient people informed them of cycles that we simply are not patient and otherwise generally virtuous enough to grasp. I don't fear technology, this just happened because I figured out what little I need from it for awhile. I bought a Nexus 7 and the piece of shit konked on me twice, already got it repaired once and I am just such a lazy ass that it is sitting there and I am wearing out my refurbed Mac. The amazing level of functionality of this Mac....it is way more than I need. I see the tiers of technology developing out of the necessity to secure future bandwith dominance and trying to become a part of the States electronic octosaurus cthulus oculus.....some drone flying, information scanning, tentacle rape device that appears out of the hole in the plot of reality.....no.....dummies like me shouldn't have.....the star with a movie camera in it.....I don't know what that is....it came with the Mac.

     Yeah, A.E. Waite....first it was his Encyclopedia of Freemasonry which is an awesome text to own for any man whether a member of the fraternity or not.....now I have his tarot deck. Here is how I appear such a mentally bruised subject.....there is this rabbit hole called non-coercion and non-deceit, and they are essential first principles of Stefan Molyneux's, Universally Preferable Behavior or U.P.B. for short. He based this off his long study of the Grand Art, Philosophy, truly any man that thinks clearly has embraced philosophy, yours is so close you can't describe it like a vestment. I must work on mine at all times because in this lifetime, in my skin, I have always been slightly discontented with 'belief'. 'Belief' has no contingency on 'evidence', that would make it 'fact'. Once I faced many facts about my mind and my life, the violence that I embrace, the deceit that has become such a fine set of epaulets on my mores, I knew I needed to move beyond the comfortable world of being the armchair Buddhologist or 'Taoist'.....round eyes like me need to leave the Middle Kingdom alone, they have their own troubles with their traditions. Tradition, Wisdom, Virtue.....what are they here and now?

     Virtue became my new search, where is the pith of Western virtue. I had been a lector in Catholic school as a boy and an altar boy and all that and saw little in it by the time I left in ninth grade. In fact, I loathed the Faith, the Flock, the whole bag.....except for the Fruit....my education, the morality, the sense of time and story, history has an import to the religious community that can't be duplicated by secular society, I really think time will bear this out.  Wicca, then atheism, Buddhism, Taoism, a whatever develops in my mind type of thing.....just none of that Jesus business! When I met locals of Eugene, that had no religion in their lives and in fact had some meshcap, meth mouth, mullet-landia upbringing with chromosome damaged, back fat packing mouth breathers helps to keep a pervasive culture of spiraling depravity moving along in perfect cycle. To be different, on the outside, to not fit in....well, that's fine.....to thwart all virtue and discipline and call it a new Way, a new Path.....sorry, kick the diabetes, beat me up a flight of stairs, we'll talk up there.  There I was discontented, I knew it was me, because as my teacher told me his grandfather would say "You don't have a problem, you just aren't making a decision."......I enjoy the pain Truth delivers, Molyneux made me shed the left and the progressives realizing they aren't about liberty of the human species from it's own tyrannical tendencies....they are the Poverty, the salt, the clay, necessary and common for the most part.

     Finding that there had been a long tradition of organizations that united when there wasn't a central state department to tackle a problem.....that's called making a decision.....I looked heavily into their history. Freemasonry and Oddfellowship, the Brothers of the Rosy Cross, the Carbonari, the various Knights of St. John and the Temple of Jerusalem or Templars....I know I am getting the name all wrong, these organizations were and are around, getting things done in various ways. Men organizing I now see is pattern of our species that is good usually, especially if good works are the organizing force and the fruits are inclusive of such divine blessings as observation, morality, ethics, mathematics, astronomy, discipline, physical culture....and that is what I saw.....I had learned of physical culture and have found no reason for me to leave my monastic solitude to do good works. This wasn't and isn't just anger, I found that I hadn't mastered myself so that I can maintain the power to teach people how to command their bodies and minds to just simply obey their will....easy, right, no I had to find not a key....a soft spot, that mortal point in myself.

    Johannite, I am a Johannite, the week I looked into videos and writing of clergy of the Apostolic Johannite Church I.....had a mystical.....vision like thing happen.....at work, in the dish pit. This has happened twice and each time, I should have listened, and the visions were frightening, a former monk advised me on them and that advice brought me to this point.....that I study the kabbalah, requiring a tarot deck and some fundamental understanding of astronomy and astrology from two or three perspectives.....alchemy wouldn't hurt.....meanwhile put some practice in on math more often and brush up on a lot of Plato. Scripture, prayer, learning, dish pit, rinse, repeat.....things will change, for now this is good.

    My girevoy training is very good, I am starting to get access to untapped mental resources now that I engage in sessions of prayer and meditation driven by a deeper sense of the Faith. Yeah, I was the worst atheist ever, and it's not like I think any thing I think is how the tumblers of the universe be timed, 'one step beyond'....great song.....a step beyond the known and understood.....I want to reach out into that with my unadulterated conciousness, and when I try I always feel transfigured by the attempt to tap into.....Well, I 'll have to find the discipline to record or try to measure more of my progress with the training, numbers don't matter much to me, it's always been a balance, long game, the one hundred year program, and the Observance of the Sts. John, let's see how I do tomorrow. I love being alive, I hate zombie movies because I am in one and it becomes more a comedy and a tragedy every day.


   

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