So much of the 90s comes back in my mind, Clinton, Commies and Hoes!

Once it was said that Black folks are like crabs in a barrel, pulling each other down, it might have been Spike Lee in the 90s after one of his more controversial movies.

      Personally, KRS-One and Spike Lee, Garveyism and 5% Ethnic/Cultural influence through East Coast hip-hop and rap specifically were pith to my upbringing. I became a humanist through listening heavily to De La Soul and my father's habit of engaging me in long bouts of discussion and dialogue over any and every subject.  I now know he could hear almost every sound in my room if he wished and I imagine my choice of music boggled him. To be in one's time is natural I suppose but a lot of time was spent 'believing' in a 'lifestyle' that I see now as grossly misunderstanding history. It's good I've wavered to and fro through my twenties in my thoughts on politics, though seldom a moment went without venom and vinegar toward 'them' and 'the .....s'....usually a powerful lobby or constituency...possibly the majority?

    Oh, and the Bible....how I loved to hate a book that only as a boy I had the great opportunity to read in public such that now my voice rings windows and walls when I need to cast it.  I have minor fame for the power I can generate, a skill taught through hours of practice by Ms Dorone at St. Stephen's School in San Francisco, California.  She and her blessed Sisters of Mercy I have never turned on, never, I am the angry man they forged through insight, literacy, standards and stern moral guidance....never did I fear violence from them, not for a moment.  The priests, they seem to me now as very simple men, they had a humble parish and when money saw a redevelopment opportunity for Stonestown Mall....we got a new Pastor to replace one of my finest shepherds....I kind of want to cry that I've forgotten his name and I can picture him clearly. He started to get to pausing too long, shaking, eyes watered a bit, his head started to bend....he had been the Pastor I believe back into the 60s. A simple parish that a complicated, diverse San Francisco caught up to. 

      The Empire expanded under Reagan bringing loyal Philipinos into the West Coast cities usually through military service, the boat people of So. East Asia, the 2nd to 4th generation Chinese, mostly Guandong ren and Toisan ren, then the refugee types from the Middle East and Central America....the Mother Church put their kids together and it was bizarre.  Phonics, and insisting upon understanding Latin and Greek roots, I now believe we didn't have enough classical literature, but our public speaking led to some, like me being Lectors for the congregation. I also served as an altar boy, never or rather rarely missing a Mass.  Dutiful, my functionally alchoholic parents taught me important unsaid lessons and so dutifulness became a part of my vicious perfectionism. Both enable control of the uncontrollable, making the uniqueness of life more dull, it is easier that way....it's just a guy thing in one way and human in every way.  A child fails at control, constantly and consistently until skills allow one to fashion their personal environment and act with deft grace....it takes time. Startled, I found much of my upbringing breathtaking and startling, so I loved after everyone died that Taoism, Buddhism and my teacher insisted on patience, practice, perseverance because I had been luckily prepared by God's grace for bitterness.....for Adam's thistles. Pain and thistles.....bitter strength, Ku Li this also is a reference to Asian slaves....some apply it to the broken East after the Opium Wars and the humiliation and brutal cheating of Europe that created Mao....men of bitter strength.

   Today I was thinking about the thistles we reap and women talking about their dating lives and Esther the Queen who was merciful and crafty. My anger keeps me yoked to burning memories and far from the Ephemeral and Eternal, the direction in which all good things are gained. Young....well my generation better settle up with their parents, the debates fucking end when they are gone, serious.  Developing 'virtue' became a key part of my martial arts training with Dr. Guy Galbreath in the 90s. 'Virtue', in the Men's Rights world, MGTOWs, they discuss this because it's about becoming the principled men few of us grew up seeing.  I really believe that if I were to tap into 'discomfort' in searching memories, being praised sexually by older women would be a big one. I think there was a lot of early sexualization in my youth that I don't understand was a part of the back drop all the time. Now whether it was just libertine language in some way by my parents, television or Y-camp....I got a lot of info early but little that was visual, it all had to do with things said, that I know.  Praise for 'charm', trying to be acceptably 'dramatic' as young girls and definitely competing for their attention.....single sex education won't hurt when it returns....yeah, don't worry I'm never wrong about this stuff.

    I felt Clinton was a phony then and now, just a silk pocket, a charming, elite hustler....mainly because my father pointed out how much he wasn't a FDR. My father was always open to argument, and he liked the Democrats and didn't like Republicans and he loved a black woman and his black son.....he never signed a divorce paper, she kicked him out twice and still he stood by principle...that's virtue. Perfection is my enemy now, threadbare and lumpy be my bulwark though I strive full of vanity at an Apollonian form.  The Way has been good, and it gets better with experience, practice, patience and perseverance. Oregon had been kind to me....yeah, things could have been far worse moving here. The North has made me reactionary in my views, that's how my father would describe them, and the arguments they would have made him weep for the future, as he was prone to do. To show rational manly weakness to your son when watching war and discussing loss and the crimes of the powerful, knowledgeable and unprincipled....that takes virtue.  Now for discussing virtue.....

Being half-black, half-white....whatever that is worth, I don't like bullshitters that race bait. When a culture embraces so much Marxist policy and turns on the pith philanthropic principles and the structure that comes with....that culture is fractured and broken. New York is a fantastic representative of the State that is America and when the overpass was built that made the Bronx notorious, the Bronx invented rappin'....the London garbage strike....punk.....The goddamned Commies don't need to rise from the sea foam bayonets extended, their Statist approach, the civilizing of humanity, the standardizing of all empirical knowledge and rulership over the epistemological through insisting all education is better in the States hands...they've kind of won. Now it's just convincing all the hot, straight girls with a chance at a 'normal' life to pick up their rifles so to speak....get those 'mras and libertarians....him too I hate his blog!' "Ban them!"  

   I don't pay much attention to Spike Lee anymore, liberals are like crabs in a barrel and too many people I payed attention too when I was young and angrier than shit....they are just a drag. Like I really hated that Rush is hollering about how he's an activist to Cenk on the Young Turks. It was so old car dealer, so heavy sell on his having integrity...I don't know, it was very New Yorker....and they can't exist without the State, the city folks. Remember, it was when the dust filled New York's sky that the dustbowl got attention from the average person in Manhattan.  I am enjoying normal, informed people especially on Youtube, that have similar interests. It's just a free romp through their thoughts, it's their art, to be themselves in a purposeful, usually principled manner. Here's a particularly decent fellow on race baiting and the race card, get your Mayor Willie Brown deck on his website, HA!......

    Marriage is awesome, I handed a man a rough argent block for his dowry just this Summer for the pact of marriage should be celebrated with a whole heart. These two are grand together and a magnificent team, like a real TEAM! I got to spin a few tunes as well. The Socialists and the Feminists whether insisting on children being raised separate of their parents or proposing motherhood is bondage, they sully the Sacraments. It needs to be argued, how will the Christian deal with the danger of the Socialist....they always turn on the Christian for they are a scorpion and that is the nature of a scorpion no matter the tortoises' utility. Really, I have been thinking that if the Buddhists and Taoists have kung fu and qi kung, the Orthodox have the Sokels, Zdrovye, Busa, Systema and Sambo the Sanata Dharma has it's arts such as Kushti, Mallakamb etc. the Western Christian world must embrace a deeper experience that is physical and real. This is why Orthodox Christianity and the burgeoning Gnostic community interests me. The potential for a living practice, a ritual of living life to it's fullest through symbol, sign and exercise....and it has to start with me, back to reality...oh, and here is some cold hard truth about marriage and how Law sullies the Church....remember Caesar's is Caesar's........